When “Normal” Wasn’t Normal
For years, I did what I always did – I pushed through. I showed up. I delivered. Hustle wasn’t optional; it’s how I operate.
But something was off.
Skipping evening events after a long workday? I wasn’t being antisocial – I was spent. Completely, utterly drained while everyone else still had gas in the tank.
Feeling sluggish when others seemed fine? It wasn’t laziness, lack of effort, or some vague excuse… I was in a fight I didn’t even know I was in.
So, like any high performer, I made adjustments.
I cut back on things I once loved. I stopped playing tennis – not because I lost my love for the game, but because my body refused to play at the level my mind expected. My balance, my reflexes, my reactions – everything was just off.
I told myself it was stress. Or age. Or maybe I just wasn’t as sharp as I used to be. It didn’t make any sense.
I worked full time. Went to grad school part-time and was even the Co-Founder of Fordham’s first Entrepreneur Society.
Turns out, it wasn’t that simple.
The signs were always there, but when you don’t know what you’re looking for, you convince yourself this is just how life is now. You adapt. You compensate. You push harder.
Then came the diagnosis.
And for the first time, everything made sense.
Not because it changed who I was, but because it proved that I wasn’t making excuses. I wasn’t just off my game. I was competing at the highest level while unknowingly battling an incurable disease.
That realization was both brutal and freeing.
Brutal because I had spent years thinking I was the problem. That maybe I just didn’t have the energy or the stamina or the sharpness I once had. That maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough. And trust me, I brutalized myself over it.
Freeing because now I had an answer. And with an answer comes power.
But let’s be clear – MS doesn’t relinquish me from every shortfall. It’s not a free pass for every missed step or every bad day. I still own my mistakes. I still hold myself accountable. I still demand the best from myself.
The difference now? I can justify things in hindsight – not as excuses, but as truths. Connecting the dots backward doesn’t rewrite history, but it reshapes how I see myself. It rebuilds my confidence, because for years, I tore myself down over things I never had control over.
I wasn’t losing my edge. I was playing the wrong game.
So, I changed it.
I built a career, a business, and a life that aligns with who I am now. I stopped playing by rules that were never built for me. I made my own.
Was it easy? Hell no. There were very painful moments like the severe flare-up I had when I started this. And I’m crushing it – on my terms.
Ever had that moment when you realized you weren’t just struggling – you were fighting something bigger?
